Dear Readers, It’s Leo season, and I’m here to celebrate me, myself, and my fellow Leos— because let's be real, our birthdays are a month-long affair. Last year, I penned “It’s Leo Season, You’re Welcome,” and this year, I’ve got another roar-volutionary Leo triumph tale with a touch of good old-fashioned harmless chaos mixed in.
I had the misfortune of getting Covid right before my birthday, so I went down for a couple of days, feeling super deflated about not getting to celebrate my first-ever birthday in a foreign country. I had to cancel my weekly show where I’d planned a midnight celebration (because of course, I did), but I rescheduled the festivities for this week, determined to make up for lost time.
I realized it had been way too long since I’d had a cake with one candle for each year of my age. The thought of all those candles creating a fiery glow was too tempting to resist, so I grabbed the 10 euro bill someone had gifted me and set off on a birthday candle mission. I ended up buying 5 boxes of candles, each costing between 1.5 to 1.95 euros. That alone put me in a weird little mental space. Next, I went to find a cake. But here’s the thing — I don’t really like cake. I mean, I can PUT DOWN a tres leches cake, especially if it’s got strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, kiwis, peaches or almonds. Or a pineapple upside- down cake — I could eat the entire thing. So, I thought, why not do a birthday performance art piece for my show using ALL of the candles and then eating ALL of the cake?
But when I went cake shopping (last minute, of course — just two hours before the show), I couldn’t justify spending more than a steak dinner on a cake I’d eat entirely for comedic purposes. The only options available were chocolate, ovos moles or coconut. None of them sounded appealing, and I started worrying about how dry they might be. So, I pivoted to apple turnovers — a half dozen of them.
When I finally arrived at the bar that hosts my weekly show, I casually asked the owner, “How do you feel about fire?” I’m pretty sure he thought something got lost in translation because he just shook his head at me. But I wasn’t deterred. It took two minutes and 15 seconds to light every single one of those candles, and let me tell you, the fiery glow was worth it.
One of my friends, whom I’d pitched my candle- lighting-whole-cakeeating idea to, compared me to Biden and suggested I watch the video of him almost losing his eyebrows with his birthday cake. Another friend, who called to wish me a happy birthday, referred to me as a cockroach, and she meant it in a positive way — no matter what happens to me, I just keep coming back. #cantstopwontstop But it did make me wonder: Are we friends?
Anyway, it’s Leo season, y’all. Happy birthday to my fellow suns! The rest of you, make sure we know how much you love, cherish and appreciate our awesomeness. Mercury went into Gatorade and everything for our birthdays, so if you could be a little extra, that would be great. Mkay? We need this.
Xoxo,
Kelly Stone is an educator, comedian, mother, and author who loves the heck outta the river. She welcomes e-letters at kellystone.org or kellystonecomedy@gmail. com and adores handwritten notes and postcards via good ol’ snail mail.
