SYNDICATED COLUMNIST
Bowling didn’t make the cut again.
Neither will baseball and softball, ballroom dancing, pole dancing and a host of other sports be featured in the 2024 Summer Olympics games in Paris.
The International Olympic Committee (IOC) is picky about the sports it chooses.
A sport must be widely practiced globally, draw a high level of interest among the media and public and also not pose too many cost and scheduling obstacles, such as the need to build large baseball stadiums.
But in a perfect world, wouldn’t it be great if the Olympics emphasized the world’s most entertaining sports — events that would help us take our minds off our woes?
Golf, which has been included since the 2016 Olympics, certainly accomplishes that.
Millions can relate to Olympics golfers who, after missing a putt, fight the urge to toss their clubs into the lake.
And show me another sport in which the athlete pays another guy to carry his bag, which includes an ice chest to keep his beer cold?
Skateboarding has been an Olympic sport since the 2021 Olympics, which is pretty dang cool.
However, the IOC should include agitated middle-aged “Karens” and “Kens,” who tell the skateboarders they’re not permitted to skate there and that the police are on their way.
It’s not fair that bowling was left out.
Bowlers have greater stamina than most Olympians. Only a real pro can drink three pitchers of Pabst Blue Ribbon and still win a gold medal.
Besides, it’s much easier for viewers to keep track of their favorite competitor, as each bowler displays a name tag on his front-shirt pocket — right under the “Bob’s Heating and Cooling” logo.
I think it’s a tremendous IOC oversight that ballroom dancing failed to make the cut.
Not only does ballroom dancing require the finesse of American legends Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire, but it’s rife with risks you won’t find in other sports.
You’ll never see an Olympic sprinter blow out a knee after tripping on a buffet table.
That brings us to pole dancing.
Advocates argue that pole dancing requires superhuman strength, but because this “sport” is better associated with scantily clad ladies who dance in smoky bars for dollar bills, the IOC keeps rejecting it.
Whatever the case, IOC, it’s the thick of summer and we need a break from our woes.
In America, a trying presidential election is underway. One guy dropped out under bizarre circumstances and another just survived an assassination attempt under even more bizarre circumstances.
Elsewhere in the world, endless wars are being waged. Intense hatred and conflict are bringing us all down.
We look to the 2024 Olympics for an escape from our woes — not more politics and more woes.
We didn’t want to be lectured about inclusion and diversity in a dazzling opening ceremony that featured pagan themes that alienated a couple billion Christians.
No, we want to be unified as we watch dedicated athletes display their skills and enjoy the fruits of their labors.
To borrow from the “Wide World of Sports,” we want to see the world’s finest athletes enjoy the thrill of victory as they risk the agony of defeat.
Look, IOC, you could really help us escape our troubles by bringing us pole dancing — and by featuring world-class female athletes, who practiced their pole-twisting prowess in some of the world’s dingiest pubs.
I’d pay good money (again) to see that.
Copyright 2024 Tom Purcell, distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.
See Tom Purcell’s syndicated column, humor books and funny videos featuring his dog, Thurber, at TomPurcell.com. Email him at Tom@TomPurcell. com.
