SYNDICATED COLUMNIST
June 7 will be a bittersweet day in TV history, as the final “Wheel of Fortune” hosted by Pat Sajak airs.
Sajak announced his retirement plans a year ago, allowing himself time for a VICT_RY L_P, naming of a successor and cleaning all the spare bullion out of the sofa in the dressing room.
“Wheel of Fortune” has been like comfort food or an oasis in a chaotic world, so millions of viewers are saddened by Sajak’s departure; but very few were truly caught off-guard by the announcement. The “Wheel” target audience is more likely to be shocked by defibrillators than by showbiz wheeling and dealing.
Not everyone is impressed with Sajak’s accomplishments, but that can be attributed to jealousy. (“Big deal. I could stand there for 41 seasons hosting a gameshow – if I hadn’t flunked Public Speaking and if I was remotely affable and if I had paid my dues in radio and if I didn’t have bone spurs and if they could fit the studio into my parents’ basement and if…”) Many youngsters mistook “Wheel” for a science- fiction program. (“A dude sticks with the same job for more than six months? And he doesn’t get a cappuccino break and video-game break between each spin? Who writes this stuff – George Lucas???”) Sajak is undoubtedly retiring at the perfect time. Not only does he have nothing else to prove, but societal pressures are starting to breathe down the neck of the broadcast. Maybe you heard about the contestant declaring, “Pat, I’d like to shoplift a vowel.” And don’t get me started on the discussions about changing the name of the show to “Wheel of Fortunes Stolen from the Exploited Masses.”
Speaking of changes, “Wheel” remains a Big Fish in the shrinking pond of traditional TV; but surely Sajak saw budget cuts looming. (Remember, the cast of the popular “Blue Bloods” had to accept a 25-percent pay cut just to get a final season.) Wheels are an extravagance, so why not go retro with “Sled of Fortune”? And Wild Cards could be replaced with business cards. (“The lighting director also empties septic tanks on the side.”) “Wheel of Fortune” will still be in capable hands, as Vanna White has signed another two-year contract and Ryan Seacrest will slide into Sajak’s hosting position.
Things should chug right along, even though some viewers think Seacrest is already overexposed. Perhaps, since the same day he signed with “Wheel,” he also inked deals to host 13 bar mitzvahs, the election of the next pope and all eight hours of “Dick Clark’s Rockin’ Millard Fillmore’s Birthday Eve” – as well as providing the voices of Siri, Alexa and the little voice in the back of your head that tells you to leave a note when you ding someone’s car in the parking garage.
Even Sajak will be around for at least three more years, in an offscreen capacity as “consultant.” Not sure what consulting a finely tuned machine needs, though. (“Pretty gown for Vanna? Sure, why not? Don’t forget commercial breaks! Braille Week? Somehow, I just don’t have a feel for it…”) Speaking as someone who remembers Pat Sajak since his days as a Nashville weather forecaster, I hope he enjoys many happy adventures ahead.
And that his guardian angel isn’t constantly hyperventilating, “You moron! I can’t believe you don’t know the answer to this!”
